


Breathing Room

by Nausi



Series: Lab Love Lads [3]
Category: Amazing Spider-Man (2012), Incredible Hulk (2008), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alliterative Boyfriends, M/M, Science Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 10:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nausi/pseuds/Nausi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony takes Bruce aside about six months after the last story, and wants to know what's bothering his friend. Bruce deals with the fact that we can very seldom have our cake and eat it too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing Room

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuing story for Casianh of tumblr. As well as any of you Alliterative Boyfriends fans!

"Really? You're going to pieces over this?" Tony had chased Banner out onto one of the balconies, claiming the man needed a little air. Truth was that he thought a little sunshine would do his friend some good, and the change of setting would throw him off his guard a little. With Bruce Tony would need all the advantages he could get. 

"What are you talking about Stark?" Bruce pushed his sleeves up again and sighed.

"Parker, he's quitting, and you've been a mess ever since he put in his notice." Right to the point, he didn't bother trying to sugar coat it.

Bruce's hands came out in front of him and his shoulders hunched a little, that old posture. "It's a waste. Photography, that mind, taking snapshots like a trained fucking monkey. It's an absolute waste."

"He's a kid, and you've known him for a year." Tony shrugged and came over to stand closer to his friend. "This isn't about his professional choices, not really. You've never been one to shove your dreams on anyone else."

It was true, but that didn't mean that Bruce was going to admit it easily. "Look Tony, this is personal . . . ."

"Bruce . . . Parker? Really?" He tried not to look hurt, but it was hard. All the time the two of them had spent together, everything that they meant to each other, someone who understood, and this was the first he was hearing about this? A year after the kid entered the lab, and just now, now he was hearing that it was personal. Tony looked over at Bruce and wondered at the other's profile, those chocolate brown eyes, those generous, animated lips . . . "Really?"

Bruce turned ninety degrees to face Tony. "Look, it's . . . . complicated, in more ways than I can say. Pete . . . . he's special." He felt stupid saying these things to Tony, especially since he couldn't tell him the whole truth. 

"Is he leaving the lab because of this?" Tony gestured at Bruce and cocked an eyebrow. He was trying to figure his friend out, the way he would a glitch in a well loved and used piece of software. It still stunned him. Paker?!  
"Yes, because I . . . I told him no. Told him it wasn't right, our ages, our positions . . . . too much in the way." His lips twitched a little, a dark mirth starting to show on his face.

"Oh, so he is quitting because he can't get any older but he can sure as hell ruin his career to at least fix one of your deal breakers." Tony rolled his eyes. "Really, Paker though?"

"He is. Out of spite or some illusion he has that he can change my mind." Bruce ducked his head then and looked at Tony from under his brows. "I can't have everything I want, and Pete . . . no."

"I'd never . . . ."

"Pepper you have Pepper."

Tony shook his head, "You know she . . . ."

"I am not having this conversation with you again." There it was, that twisted smile that signaled a full bout of self loathing. Bruce blamed himself for Parker's choice. It was a terrible stupid choice. True Peter had been running himself ragged trying to be Spider-Man, student, intern, and regular twenty something with a social life and hobbies. Still it felt wrong, terribly wrong, him turning in his notice on the heels of Bruce calling an all out halt to things between them. All it had come to anyway were a few evenings here and there pressed against a lab bench, eager hands, hungry lips, desperate moans, nothing serious. Except that it was serious, deadly serious. 

"I break everything I touch. Ashes. The best of it has been Jenny. She likes being a monster." He let out a bitter laugh and turned to leave.

"You're not a monster."

He did not turn around, "No I'm just my father's son." A low blow not only to himself, but Tony too. It would keep him away though, and that was what Bruce wanted. Some breathing room.

\------

"Miss Ross?" Peter could feel his hands shaking.

"Yes, she put in her resume with SI months ago. Stark and I think it'd be good to have a more experienced set of hands in the lab. Once she gets acclimated we might take on another intern, but for now the workload is too much for me to be training someone so green." Bruce made sure to stand straight and keep his arms at his sides. He refused to give Peter any of his tale tell signs, refused to let him know how much all of this bothered him. 

"But . . . I thought you said . . . done like the proverbial dinner." This was bothering him more than it should. Peter knew that, but the way Bruce was acting, so perfectly calm, was sending him over the edge. Not once had the man given him any sort of real reaction to his leaving. Just a nod of the head and an, 'I understand, things being what they are.' It was driving him slowly mad.

"I can work in a lab with someone and not become involved with them." Bruce looked at Peter from over his glasses. They were standing a few feet apart. It was late, they had a lot of work to do these last few days, had to tie up all Peter's work before he left. It was still hot out though it was twilight. It didn't affect the lab, being perfectly conditioned.

Peter shook his head, "That's how it started between the two of you . . ."

"She's brilliant and driven. Miss Ross never gives up. Yes, I found that alluring in my youth." Bruce chuckled, "I was older than you are now when I first met her, and listen to me calling it my youth."

It was too much. His temper flared. Peter slammed his hand down on the table and pulled up to his full height, wanting to take advantage of anything he had, anything he could do to make Bruce take him seriously. This had been coming for well over two weeks now. So it was hardly any surprise how his voice rose and his hands shook, "Damn it Bruce! Stop that! It's not about that, these feelings . . ."

Both his hands came around in front of him as he started, staring at Peter. The noise of the super human's palm nearly cracking the table more than got his attention. This was it then, the moment, the time he lost even the friendship they'd had. It hurt, but it was the sort of pain that promised a clean wound, a stout scar. It was the sort of thing he was used to dealing with.

"Peter, I'm sorry."

"No, don't start in with that either. This isn't something to blame, there's no fault, it just is." His breath was coming hard, like he had just booked it across town, and he was trying to get a handle on it. There was no way he was going to win this fight if he didn't slow down and think.

This was hard. Bruce lost a little of his composure. "Don't say it again." His eyes were on some distant point on the wall, he wanted to take his glasses off and pace. All he did was frown and let his hands come together in front of him.

"Why? I don't understand what's so terrible about it. I'm old enough that you're not the first person I've said it too." Peter wanted to say more, but he bit back the words.

"I don't feel the same way, it's wrong . . . wrong for me to take advantage of you." The lie felt clumsy, and he hated himself again. He wondered if he had ever said anything less true. 

The words hit him, it felt like Bruce had literally reached over and slapped him. Peter blinked and shook his head.

"I care about you, a great deal, but not like that, not love." Bruce felt like he ought to excuse himself, his stomach rolled with nausea.

Peter shook his head again, his gaze blurry. "No . . . I don't believe you."

Bruce took a deep breath, "I haven't loved anyone since Betty, and since I've discovered that I'm not in love with her anymore . . . well I don't know that I'll ever have someone in my life like that again." He paused for a moment, the look on Peter's face enough to make him hesitate. "If there is someone though, it'll be someone my age, I can't do this." 

That was another lie. Peter's youth, his vitality was one of the things that had drawn him in. It was the same with Spider-man. When he had realized that they were one in the same . . . it had been all he could do not to fill every moment of lab with longing, loaded glances.

"I don't believe you." His glasses had fogged up, and he took them off, carelessly hooking them on his shirt. "I know how you look at me, how you make me feel, and I . . . I know you love me."

"No, I don't." 

Peter looked at Bruce and shook his head, "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm a monster Peter, a raw nerve waiting to explode. I care about you, I want you safe. That means putting an end to this foolishness." It had to be showing, how he was cracking around the edges. All he wanted to do was take Peter in his arms and be selfish be as selfish as he had ever been in his life, and do it tell the sun came up, and the traffic roared. 

"You're a genious . . . you . . ." Peter swallowed and tried to find the words. Truth be told Bruce reminded him of a faint memory, a quiet man with glasses. You didn't tell someone you wanted to get into bed with that they reminded you of your father . . . especially not if that man was Bruce Banner, but Peter couldn't help the thought. "You're a good man, and you try to do the right thing . . . with great power comes great responsibility." Peter looked at Bruce, "You life up to that more than anyone else I have ever known."

For a moment Bruce almost gave in. He knew about Uncle Ben. Spider-Man had said a few things, little things, here and there. Peter had told him one evening, before even the first kiss, when they had spent far too many hours chasing details. Between the two personalities, something so familiar and yet alien to Bruce, he had put the story together, and loved Peter all the more for it. Hearing him ascribe that to him, give him that honor, broke his heart, and nearly did in his resolve. Unfortunately for both of them, Bruce dad one thing in large supply, will power, and perhaps even more than that, self denial. 

"No, I'm a greedy, frightened man who has to fight everyday to keep from doing the same stupid, short sighted things that got him into the mess he's in. Peter, you're going to walk out of this lab now and you're never coming back. It's over, nothing ever happened, and even if it did, it's over." Bruce turned around and counted his breaths, it was all he could do to keep himself from breaking down.

Peter stood there and stared at those wide shoulders for a moment before moving. There were only so many ways a man could beg, and he had done it all. It was clear that Bruce meant to hold firm, that there was nothing he could do. 

"It could have been so good." He shook his head and gathered his things. At the door he turned back, "Change your mind, call me." That was all he had. It was not enough, and he knew it.

Bruce stood still in the lab, and thought of his father. Of how he had used his big blunt fingered hands, hands so much like his own, to hurt. Bruce thought about his mother, about how she had tried to 'do the right thing' and how it had gotten her killed. He stood there and looked down at his hands, his heart throbbing, still not dangerous, but loud, painful. Bruce shook his head and tried pacing, tried opening a window, anything to get some breathing room. He didn't understand, if he had done the right thing, why was it that he felt so much like a villain. why was it that he could hear Brian Banner laughing?


End file.
